youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
