Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
