My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I supernannyed him into submission
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
