I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
