who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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