There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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