Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
