"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
