By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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