Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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