Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
