oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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