Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
