omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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