I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
