some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
