How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
