eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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