she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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