I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
