opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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