Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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