i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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