just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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