I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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