Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize