At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
