u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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