Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
