If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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