I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
