Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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