end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
