She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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