Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
