Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
