i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
