I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
