Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
