If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
