Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
