How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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