dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
