So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
