tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
