dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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