No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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