He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the day after is always just damage control
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
