i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
