I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
