I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i wish my penis had a tongue
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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