i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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