so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
