I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
