Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
