woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
