I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
