she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I checked into jail on foursquare
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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