I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
