I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
