nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
