If that was your dad, he is hot
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
