thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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