This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
