Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I understand Curling. That high.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
