By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
