How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
