Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
