nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Someone signed my nipple.
His nipple licking is glorious
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