Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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