Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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