Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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